Revolution
by iterans
Summary: They are not in love. And they are aware they even stopped being friends at some point.
1. Prologue

**AN: I didn't really want to post this here as a drabble but then I got some ideas and now I'm making this a few chapters long thing. It shouldn't take long for me to post the actual first chapter. **

**Also, thanks to everyone who reviewed my other fic, I really appreciate it.**

* * *

**Prologue**

Sometimes she wonders if they're doing it all wrong. It happens when she's sitting alone in the dark of her apartment, a wine glass in her hand. It happens when her mother calls and asks if there are news to tell but she just cannot wait to hung up the phone. Mostly it happens when he sneaks out of her bed, in the very first hours of the morning, without nothing more than a smirk and a whispered 'see you later'.

(She remembers pretending to be asleep the first few times that happened but despite her acting skills she knew she couldn't fool him so she just stopped.)

They like to pretend they are friends. She tells herself they are not. If they were, they wouldn't be able to do this without consequences. But they're not lovers either, that she knows.

Sometimes she thinks about the first few months of working together. Things were easier and lighter, he was just a boy and she was just a girl. Their lives were uncomplicated. How they got to this point, she does not know, but none of them is keen to put a label on what they are doing so she'll just have to bear with that.

And it's not like she has the strength to stop, even if she'd want.

She tried once. When he asked at what time he had to stop by, she had told him she was having a date. She got dressed, she went out and had fun but then she took a cab just outside her condo and told the driver his address. On the way up she kept thinking about the chances of finding some other woman in those same sheets her body had been tangled in that morning, she knocked on his door and bit her lower lip while waiting. He opened the door and laughed. He knew the night was going to end like that, he said. She hated herself a little for being so easy to read but as he pushed her on his bed and his tongue made her body shudder, she decided that was something she could live with.

They never talked about the possibility of a relationship, of a life together. They still get to wake up in their own beds when the alarms go off in the morning.

They are not in love. And they are aware they even stopped being friends at some point.

He thinks about telling her he wants more but he's afraid she'll run away and he found out years before he is not able to function without her besides him. But sometimes he dreams about this garden and him waiting at the end of an aisle wearing a tuxedo. Sometimes he gets to see her, dressed in white, as she walks down the aisle with her father. Her dress is exactly the same in every dream. There is also this red-headed baby fantasy which he has been having since he met her and he remembers how scared he was about that because he never thought he would have ever settled down before her. He thinks she would make a great mom and he would make a great dad (with her around).

When she told Rachel about her night activities she had gasped, shaken her head and said she was going to get hurt.  
She felt injured by the younger woman's comment. "I do not have feelings for him."  
When the paralegal didn't even answer she added that maybe he was the one who was going to get hurt.

What they both know is that they have reached a point where they're codependent. He can't be a lawyer without her and she can't even consider the idea of getting another job.

But they also need each other at night. He needs to feel her grip on his hair, her touch on his skin, to hear her gasping and screaming his name as she reaches her high. She needs to feel his hands on her hips, his fingers in her locks, to hear his whisperings between her lips.

They fear the moment they will have to come clean with their feelings. They tell themselves they are not in love even if they know they are lying. They are not even friends anymore but pretending to be is a thing they silently agree on.


	2. Chapter 1

He realizes that things are changing when getting out of her bed starts being difficult. At first he thinks it's just because winter is coming and the cold air of her apartment on his naked skin isn't really the best of feelings. When the warmth from the radiators has spread everywhere he starts thinking it's just tiredness, he blames the long hours at the office, the sleep deprivation, his trips back home in the middle of the night. In the end he just has to see things as they are: he doesn't feel the need to flee from her anymore.

He can't help letting his feelings control his actions and his thoughts. When they're at work his eyes keep lingering on her body, on her dresses and on the way they all hug her curves like a second skin; he calls her in his office more than usual, just because he loves the way her name rolls out of his tongue, the way she just stops everything she's doing and rushes to his desk. In his condo he pays attention to the way she moves like she owns the place, he lets her decide what exactly they're going to do and where. When memories of defining life events come to his mind he realizes she's responsible for making most of them so remarkable.

* * *

He inhales deeply but her scent is all he can feel, it's everywhere on the sheets he's tangled in, on his skin, on his tongue. He feels so inebriated and it has nothing to do with the fact that she's there beside him, on her side, red hair splayed on the pillow, watching Manhattan through the large window of his bedroom.

He recently noticed how she permanently lives in his mind by now, how the thought of her never leaves him even when she's not there physically; he wonders when they're going to be ready to talk about feelings and possibilities.

"Do you want children?" His voice comes out hoarse, as if he just woke up from sleeping.

It's the first time in so long that he asks her something personal, but he's curious to know if she dreams what he dreams and if she's ready to let him in.

"What?" She asks as if her hearing betrayed her.

His question, who seemed to come out of nowhere, startled her, but she keeps her composure as her heart beat starts accelerating. The knowledge that they don't talk much anymore in favor of their newest arrangement is something she had to learn to live with.

"Do you?" lying down on his back he watches as she doesn't move a muscle, her whole body curled up as far from him as possible.

She gulps but keeps her eyes on the city skyline, "Maybe."

"You're forty."

She turns around as if insulted, "I'm not."

"Well, you're _almost_ forty."

"And so are you," she snaps back without even thinking.

"Didn't they teach you this in school? I still have time, you on the other hand-"

"Wait," she props herself up on one elbow to have a better view of his face, "do you want children?"

The look on her face is one of disbelief.

He sighs, he can't really tell her what he wants; not yet. "I don't know."

Her eyes widen, "Oh my god,"

The sound of her laughter reaches his ears and for a second he's distracted by it and thinks about how that's a sound he wants to hear every single day for the rest of his life.

"You want a baby Specter running around in your apartment and messing up your life."

He's annoyed by the way she's making fun of him, "I didn't-"

"Really?"

"Okay," the smirk on her face irritates him, "what's wrong with that?"

She sits on his bed and tries to locate the clothes she was wearing when she got there, "Nothing."

He watches as the sheets fall off her body and she walks towards the armchair in the corner to pick up her clothes, "Where are you going?"

The moon light brightens her bare skin and her red locks, he watches as she slides her panties up her long creamy legs and covers her breasts with her bra.

"Home?" She replies as it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Want to take a shower?"

She catches his mischievous tone and knows that all he wants is for her to stay there and have another round with him.

"Yes," she takes a few steps back towards the bed and bites her lower lip seductively, excitement already showing in his eyes, "in my bathroom."

She laughs because he's just so predictable.

He pouts, "You're not funny."

She smirks while zipping up her dress and putting on her heels.

He's desperate to keep her there and talk to her. "Let me call Ray-"

"No, it's late. I'll catch a cab like usual."

He spaces out as he thinks what it would be like if he'd just ask her to spend the rest of the night with him, what she would answer. He wonders if the promise of a morning off from work and his credit card would do the trick.

Her 'bye' takes him out of his trance and when he replies she's already out of the room.

* * *

She closes the door behind her as she gets out of the apartment. She acted like she didn't notice his behavior has been different than before, like it hasn't been changing in the span of a few weeks. She fears changes in their relationship because she doesn't know what to expect from them. Her heart is still beating fast as she presses the ground floor button in the elevator.

* * *

He waits for sleep to overcome him without success. He untangles himself from the sheets and walks to his living room. He heard the door shutting and knows she's probably home by now but a part of him still expected she was there, waiting, sat on his leather couch. He sighs as he gets aware it's late and he has work in the morning.

* * *

**AN: Again, thanks for the reviews, they're really appreciated. This one chapter was very short but it's mostly because I wanted it to end at a certain point, the next ones will probably be longer.**


	3. Chapter 2

He catches her in the partners' kitchen. She's pouring coffee, her back to the door, and he takes a second just to admire her without her knowing.

"Do you need something?"

He sighs. "No I…" he gulps and approaches her lowering his voice, "what if we did something different tonight?"

She turns around just to find out he's closer than she thought, her body trapped by his against the counter. "Like what?"

"Like, I could take you out for dinner and maybe the night could end with me just taking you home and saying goodbye."

"What? I tired you out _that much_ last night?" She smirks mischievously, her voice almost a whisper.

"No, it' just-, I thought it would-"

His anxiety is evident. "Okay." She nods without letting him finish.

He smiles tentatively, "Okay?"

"Okay."

He wonders when he did became so shy with women and where has his usual confidence gone. But he knows she's his weakness and it's about time she acknowledges that too.

* * *

She used to imagine what a date with Harvey would look like. She tried guessing the restaurant he'd choose and the car he'd be driving that night. She pictured the dress she would wear and she settled on the makeup. She would have left her hair fall loose on her back, slightly curled, because she knows the kind of attention they demand and ultimately get and that's something she secretly loves.

Years have passed since then. The restaurant she thought they'd be sitting in has been closed for too long and that fabulous car has been outdone by hundreds of new models. The dress she would have wore back then is definitely out of fashion and she's learnt a few things about men that took her to question her hairstyle choice.

She has a few ideas about where he'll actually take her and she knows that Ray will be the one driving them there in the Lexus. She wears a black dress, her cleavage showed off by the v-neck that falls deep between her breasts; she wonders if that's something a woman her age should even wear, it ends on her mid thighs and she's not in her twenties anymore but she loves her body and knows how to seduce (even if whatever the dress and the words he said she can guess how the night is going to end). She wears her hair up so they won't get too much attention and she already knows that his eyes will linger on her neck the whole night while his mind will think about leaving trails of kisses on it.

* * *

He's waiting for her down the street when the lights in her apartment go off. He straightens up; the front door opens and then she's there in front of him. He stares astonished as she makes her way towards him, he gazes at the gathered up hair and the exposed neck but then his eyes go straight to her bouncing breasts and he feels his pants tighten slightly when his mind recalls the way they feel under his hands. He would have been a fool if, in all the years they've worked together (and in all the nights they spent together), he had not noticed how beautiful she is, but the mere thought she dressed up to go out with him makes his heart ache and his mind go blank. For a second he thinks about canceling their plans for the night and just take her upstairs and ravish her, keeping on with their scratch-the-itch routine. He slips his hands deep into his pockets 'cause touching her would be the last straw.

"Hey."

She moves a strand of hair from her face. "Hey."

His hands are still in his pockets, clenching for the persistent urge to touch her. "Shall we?"

She bites her lower lip and nods.

He opens the car door for her and spies as her dress goes a few inches up and exposes her upper legs as she gets inside. He swallows and shuts the door doubting he's going to survive the whole night.

* * *

Dinner is weird, it's the weirdest they've ever had in ten years. As coworkers and friends this used to be an habit and it had always felt natural. Where conversation flew smoothly they now seem to have nothing to talk about, silences are overwhelming and they speak about work because it seems like the only topic they're able to exchange a few words over.

He should have expected she would've been the one to point out the awkwardness of the situation.

"This is not right." She laughs nervously.

He notices her eyes don't meet his as she talks, "Donna-"

The smile on her face is a sad one, "that's because you've seen me naked."

"Well I had before too." He states the obvious referring to the night they both left the DA's office.

"It's different now."

He waits for her to explain.

"All you want from me right now is to undress for you and-"

"Donna," he stops her before she takes things further. Maybe it's time to talk about feelings and hidden hopes.

"What?"

"I think-"

She interrupts him before he says things he may regret later, "I don't think this would work."

He knows she got what he was about to say even if they didn't talk about it. "Why not?" He pouts.

"Because you're you," she watches as his face falls at her words, she doesn't want to hurt him but she still thinks she's doing the right thing."And I know you; and you just think you want this but you don't really do."

"Gosh, they should give you an award for the "who can read Harvey Specter's mind better" contest." He can't hide how pissed he is at all of this. She always seems to know everything but the only thing he really needs her to acknowledge is so strange for her that she keeps denying it.

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

She can read on his face the fact that he's upset with her because he thinks she's denying him what he really wants. She just has to prove him wrong.

"Harvey, what have you been thinking all night long?"

"You." His answers is immediate, his voice is unwavering, the one word spoken firmly.

"You've been thinking about fucking me."

"Well you can't blame me, I know what you look under that fine piece of clothing you're wearing-"

"Harvey."

She stops him and shakes her head. She can't say yes to this, she's too afraid of changes to let this happen to them. She still needs him in her life too much.

He goes back to eating, disappointed. He doesn't understand why she's so against the idea of them.

* * *

In the car he tries to keep his hands to himself. He revisits the conversation they had. According to her, he doesn't really want what he claims to want, he just has to prove her wrong. Of course he wants to have sex with her; of course the only thing his mind is focused on is the thought of ripping that dress from her body and have his way with her but that is not enough anymore. So he stays there on his side of the car, and tries to not think about the fact that she's sitting there right beside him, her creamy legs peeking out under her dress, her neck exposed to his lips; his body is desperate for her but he's not going to give into temptation and keeps staring outside the window.

The only thing the half-hour trip across Manhattan does is increase the need of her, his mind pictures her spread out on his bed like many times before, his name rolling out of her lips, whispered at first and then screamed; he shuts his eyes and tries to relax.

* * *

The car comes to an halt and he gets out to take her to the front door.

"So, you're not coming upstairs?"

He can take her suggestive tone, he knows she wants them to fall into their usual habit. But he's convinced of the fact that he should have her in all of her aspects, he's not going to settle for just her body. "No,"

"It's funny because you keep saying no but your body is betraying you."

The smirk on her face sends his mind on halt. He doesn't need to follow her eyes to know she's talking about the hard on he's showing due to his thoughts in the car.

He sighs, "Donna,"

"What," she giggles, "it's the truth."

"Goodnight."

"Come on, I dressed up for you, the least you could do is-"

He turns back again and climbs the first few steps, he kisses her cheek as his hand searches for hers. "Goodnight Donna."

His fingers lingers on her for a second longer before he suddenly drops her hand.

The weird thing is that this never happened, not since the sleeping together thing started. She's startled and upset, she fumbles to find her keys in her bag and then gets inside her apartment shutting the door behind her without even glancing back at him.

* * *

He holds against the urge to follow her into the building and gets in the car asking Ray to take him home.

When he's alone on the sidewalk besides his apartment building he decides to take a walk because he doesn't feel like being alone in his condo. An hour later he's in the elevator towards the 50th floor of the Pearson Specter offices, her scent still everywhere around him.

* * *

**AN: Sorry if it took so long to update, I'm now on vacation and hopefully things will get better. Thanks to everyone who's following or who favorited this and thanks to everyone who's reviewing.**


	4. Chapter 3

He's already in his office when she makes her way to her cubicle, her eyes widen when she spots him and her pulse rate increases at the mere thought of how the night before ended. He spies her as she lays her handbag under her desk and then returns his attention to the laptop when she starts walking the few meters to his office door to bring him his morning coffee.

"Hey,"

His eyes don't move from the screen. "You can leave that here, thanks."

She halts at his harsh words, surprised, then nods and leaves the coffee on the farthest edge of the desk before getting swiftly out of the room.

Ignoring her isn't a smart choice and he knows she'll be pissed; but after a sleepless night, as he watched the sun rising over Manhattan, he realized he can't allow them to go back to how they were. She's the only one to blame for playing such a significant role in his life: she tore all of his walls down and now she can't just take away his hopes.

* * *

He can't help but notice how her eyes keep getting back to him as if she's waiting for him to suddenly snap at her. He pretends to be all focused on the job; their eyes don't meet at all.

The second she raises from her chair and gets away from her desk, he covers his face with his hands. He needs to have her completely, as a constant presence in his life, but he doesn't know how to get her to understand that what he wants is what their long relationship was always supposed to lead to.

He thanks the fact that he'll be out of the office in a few hours because he doesn't know if he'll be able to give her the silent treatment for the whole day.

* * *

The glass door shuts and he raises his eyes to see Jessica approaching him. "I heard you were here all night."

"Who told you?" he mumbles and his eyes go straight to her, sitting at her desk, her back to his office, behaving as if she wasn't listening to the conversation happening behind closed door through the intercom. Even though he's trying to open up to her he still isn't sure he wants her to know she's the one thing that makes him weak.

"I'm the managing partner, everyone tells me everything." He knows his distress is painted on his face. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I just have a lot to do."

"You know you can talk to me-"

"Yes."

His short answer and the few seconds silence that follows lead the managing partner to get where his attention is. She sighs, knowing it's been a long time coming and hopes he'll behave properly. "Harvey, do not let your personal life affect your work. I do need you at your best-"

"I know."

He holds her gaze and she nods. "I know you do."

* * *

She thinks she should take advantage of her one night free from him and go out with someone who's not her boss.

She calls Rachel and does her best to sound excited about the prospect of a girls' night out but the younger woman turns her down with a "Sorry" and "I'll have to spend the whole night studying because there's this professor-", but she actually stopped listening the second her invitation had been turned down.

By the end of the phone call she notices the document she had just started typing is half done and she doesn't remember a word of the half hour conversation with the future lawyer. She became this person who doesn't care about anyone but herself but she can't place the exact time when that happened.

* * *

He smirks; the way she angles her body as he walks out of his office and the way her shoulders tense are an obvious sign of her discomfort.

She's letting the whole situation get to her. Maybe he's on the right track to convince her to get over her doubts and listen to him.

"I'll let you know if I need anything." He paces down the hall as he speaks and catches a glimpse of her hands stilling and her teeth biting her lower lip.

"Okay."

If he doesn't get what he wants from her, at least she's going to be so riled up for sex when they're going to get back to it (but he's still sure things can go differently).

"Idiot," she mumbles as he walks towards the elevator.

He wasn't supposed to turn her world upside down just like that and, most of all, he can't expect her to be the same as always.

* * *

He doesn't get back to the office.

Her eyes keep going back to his empty chair and to the hundreds of records on the shelves. She wonders if she's still allowed to stay late and listen to his father's music. She's not his accomplice in these kind of things anymore and she misses the way things were. She misses being his closest friend and confident but she knows that, one way or the other, things are never going to be simple again for them.

Her phone buzzes and it's a text from him. "The meeting went good, go home."

She stares at the empty office again. He sure wouldn't get mad if she stayed late, savoring a scotch with some jazz as background. On the other hand the way they changed often makes him a stranger to her; she's not so sure of anything anymore.

She packs her things and goes home.

* * *

"Why won't you give us a chance?"

She looks around to make sure no one heard him but he obviously chose the right moment to approach her, when no one was near.

"Why won't you drop this?" She whispers anyway, her body moving away from his, so close to her cubicle.

"Because I think what we have is something," he wants her to understand that theirs is the most real relationship of his whole life.

"What we have is nothing, Harvey."

Her reply is hostile.

She's referring to the meaningless sex they've been having, to the hours in the other's bed, to the fact that they're no longer anchors for each other.

He walks forward and halts just behind her chair, his voice just a whisper, causing goosebumps to appear on her skin. "Give our relationship a chance."

She sighs tired, "Harvey," her eyes raise to him, her gaze already warning him about her words, "you're emotionally unavailable-"

"Look who's talking." He scolds her.

She holds his stare; he's right but she's behaving like that because she's convinced that's for the best.

He reaches to her, his fingers try to grasp her left hand, "Look-"

She snaps, pulling her hand back, "Stop. Stop touching me, stop telling me what to do, stop-"

"I didn't do anything-"

She narrows her eyes and lowers her voice again. "You need to give me a break, you can't expect things to change just because you decide that's what you want."

"Donna,"

"Go back in your office, if you need anything just call me."

The way he said her name sent chills down her spine but she is still sure of her decision. They need to save what's left of the old them and that's her job now.

* * *

Finally, after three nights spent completely by herself in her apartment, drowning her sorrows in copious amounts of alcohol, Rachel calls to accept her invitation.

"But I also need drinks."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." She answers as her eyes linger on the empty wine bottles on the kitchen counter.

They're sitting at a corner table and Rachel won't stop talking about school and classes and mock trials and she focuses on listening because maybe lately she's not been that great of a friend and she needs to fix that. Her glass is half empty, the laughs come easily and for the first time in a few days her mind doesn't wonder on her own troubles.

Her spider senses tingle and she turns around, his identity pointed out by his signature three piece suit and the hair accurately styled. She laughs bitterly: the island is very big but he still managed to find her. She feels her body react to his proximity in a place that's not work, like they didn't part ways only an hour before. But the real explanation is that they haven't spend much time apart from each other in the last eight months and now her body aches for his expert touch.

She follows his steps with her eyes until he stops near a table where the petite brunette he broke up with a year before is sitting; she stands up abruptly as they hug, her eyes widen as he smiles at the woman and her mouth slightly agape when Scottie's hands find his neck. She can't stand seeing them together; she has to leave.

"What-" Rachel's gaze moves from her to the lawyers duo across the restaurant, her voice revealing confusion and a hint of curiosity.

"I-"

The waiter arrives with their dishes and looks confused from the standing woman to the other one, still seated.

She sighs and sits back, silent, while the waiter lays the plates on the table.

They start eating. Rachel is afraid to ask more for fear of upsetting her; when the redhead's eyes move again to him and his date, she gets resolute enough: what she needs is to talk about it. "Honey, what happened with you two?"

She feels the tears pricking her eyes as she adjusts the napkin on her legs. When the other woman doesn't say anything she raises her head and sees the pity look in her eyes. She wants the laugh at the irony of the whole situation: she used to be the strongest woman but in some way he managed to reduce her to this.

She sighs. "He thinks he wants more,"

"Okay." The younger woman looks at her expectantly, waiting for her to explain what the matter really is.

"He's wrong."

"Donna,"

"Rachel, he's sitting in this same restaurant with the only woman he ever said he loved merely days after he told me he wants more."

The pity look is still there in her friend's eyes. She drowns the rest of her drink and asks for something stronger.

"Let's eat and get out of here."

They don't talk about their romantic lives for the rest of the night.

* * *

"So, did you notice that fiery redhead sitting across the room? She seemed very interested in what was happening here."

He snorts, not wanting to talk about Donna with the other lawyer. "Scottie,"

She interrupts him. "You're an idiot, Harvey"

His eyes narrows. "Things are complicated,"

"Really?"

He swirls the scotch in his glass and his shoulders slump.

"I'll tell you a secret Harvey," he raises his eyes to hers and is almost surprised when he finds out her gaze is so different from the one she used to save for him since the Harvard days, "I always knew I would have never had a chance to win your heart until she would've been in your life. And that's one of the reasons why I left."

Her voice is firm and it sounds like a practiced speech. He is confused by her words because things between him and Donna have been changing only in the past few months. "What are you talking about?"

Her laugh is harsh. "That woman is madly in love with you and she put up with your shit for so long already. If I were you, I would marry her and never let her go away from me."

He sighs and licks his lips. "I screwed up."

"I got that from the way she seemed ready to kill both you and me with her eyes."

"How do I get things right?"

She laughs. "Oh Harvey I can't tell you that,"

"Come on," he whines, "I need some help here,"

Her laugh dies as she turns serious. "Just be honest with her."

* * *

When she gets in the cab she has already decided her next stop will be his apartment building. Despite that, she's so ashamed that she doesn't tell the driver his address but asks to be dropped off a block away from it. She blames her tipsiness for the sudden decision.

As her heels pound the pavement to the front door she thinks about Rachel's last words before parting, she told her to not do anything stupid. Well, she's sure what she's about to do belongs to that stupid things category.

* * *

**AN: I still have to decide where to take this, I could just end it in a couple of chapters or go along with my initial idea. Anyway keep the reviews coming, they're really appreciated.**


End file.
